An Idle Mind
by Radiant Silver Star
Summary: "You're selfish." I made him perfect, so that means I must be good. But when everything falls to shambles, someone tells me I'm not perfect and neither was he. Now I don't know anything for certain anymore. What's a girl to do? Ven/Kairi, AU.


So, I noticed there aren't a whole lot of Kairi/Ven fics out there (there were six last time I checked), so I decided to do one. It's alternate universe, because there was NO conceivable way this could make sense in canon. I know that the main grounds for this pairing are on the basis of Ven's similarities to Sora, but I plan to take it way beyond that.

This will conceivably be three chapters. If it grows beyond that, well, the story does what the story does. The interesting thing is I was expecting this to be a chore because it isn't my style at all. I have no penchant for AU stories, and I don't think I'd normally have wanted to read or write Kairi/Ven, but this story wrote itself out surprisingly easily. I hope the next two-plus chapters work this well.

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><p><span>An Idle Mind<span>

1: As the Crow Flies

"Ahh!" Kairi looked up from her reading, startled, as the bubbly techno ringtone that Sora had set on her phone as a joke played at full volume, her red-pink cell phone lighting up and buzzing insistently. Glancing at the front display screen, she saw her boyfriend's contact name flashing at her: '*SORA*'. Kairi grabbed the phone and flipped it open with her thumb, pressing it to her ear. "Sora?" she asked.

_"Hey, Kairi,"_ he answered, somewhat gruffly. _"I need you to do me a favor."_

Alarmed at Sora's unusual tone and straightforwardness, Kairi nodded, then said, "O-okay, Sora. What is it?"

_"Meet me behind the school. Can you be there in fifteen minutes?"_

"I can be there in ten," she replied, standing up and looking around for her shoes, which she found lying next to her closet door. Outside the window, some light gray cloud cover was forming; not the kind that was likely to rain, but a good signal of blowing winds. If Kairi was going to make it to the field behind the recently-closed middle school in ten minutes, she was going to have to run.

_"Alright. See you then, Kairi,"_ Sora said, the four-tone end-of-call signal sounding just as Kairi grabbed for her white hoodie and pulled it on as she slipped into her running shoes, which she had left tied just tight enough so she could slip them on and off with ease.

_Wow, this jacket's still big on me,_ the girl mused as she jogged out of her bedroom, shoving her old phone into her hoodie's pocket. Her left shoe started coming loose, and she paused briefly to retie it. _Alright, come on, Kairi._ She tried to motivate herself with positive thoughts as she ran into the biting headwind outside. _Spring's on its way, and you were going to have to start running sometime. Come on._

But it was really hard to stay positive in weather like this. The wind robbed her of breath even faster than her physical strain did, and her normally confident disposition clouded suddenly with doubts as to why Sora's call had been so strange. Never had he called her for so short a time, asked something of her so forcefully, or hung up so abruptly, without even saying goodbye. Something terrible must have happened. It was the only explanation.

After all, Sora hadn't asked to meet Kairi behind the middle school they'd attended since it was consolidated into another school across town. Back then, he'd depended on her a lot; and she'd felt that she needed him, too. She'd been there for him when he'd thought he was in love with the pretty blonde girl, Naminé. But it, of course, could not last, as most middle-school romances didn't. Sora had waited and waited for his crush, but was forced—partially by Kairi's encouraging hand—to conclude that Naminé did not, could not, love him.

Kairi smiled a little in spite of herself. It was a short year after that when Sora finally asked her to be with him, a couple of weeks after they'd begun high school. He'd said that he still needed her, more than ever in fact, and that he wanted her to be as close to him as possible, because he thought that he was starting to love her. And so Kairi made sure she could give and receive that love in the best way possible. She'd been there whenever something had bothered him, until eventually it seemed that nothing did. When something _did_ make him angry or sad, it was something really big—and never anything that Kairi couldn't distract him from within a day or two. In fact, it had been several weeks since Sora had been anything but sunny and happy. Kairi was quite self-satisfied knowing that she had caused his carefree attitude—even if he was kind of quiet every now and then.

Sure enough, within nine minutes she was approaching the field behind the old shut-down middle school. There stood Sora, watching carefully as she approached, her breaths coming heavily. She flopped down on the grass beside him and closed her eyes, waiting for him to join her and say what he wanted to.

"Kairi, stand up."

That was strange. He sounded a little…harsh. "You okay?" Kairi asked as she sat up, gazing at her boyfriend's face. He just looked at her, and she swallowed and stood up again, her breathing calmed a little. "Um… What's up, Sora?" Concerned, Kairi looked right into his eyes but met with no answer there.

"I'm moving tomorrow."

Whoa. That was definitely harsh. The tone of Sora's voice caught Kairi a little off-guard, and it was a few moments before she really got the implications of the sentence. "Oh, to a new house?"

"Dad got a new job. He's being transferred. We leave tomorrow."

"Oh, it's good that he got a job! So, do you want to visit on weekends? Every other weekend, or what?"

The brunette shook his head at her. That was when she figured out that something was wrong. Really wrong. Worse than anything had ever been. But that wasn't enough to prepare her for—

"I don't really think we should see each other at all anymore."

Very, very wrong. So she backed away, her thoughts not quite caught up with the rest of her, and jogged around the field a couple of times. Sora just watched her, walking in a slow, tight circle as she passed, his hands crammed in his jeans pockets. Eventually she gave up and just went back to where he was, looking at him for what seemed like the longest time before asking, "What did I do wrong?"

That seemed to upset, or perhaps annoy, Sora, who put a hand to his temple and sighed deeply. "Let's not talk about it."

"No, we definitely need to talk about it," Kairi challenged. "I _can_ do this. _We_ can make this work."

"Kairi, I don't think we can." Every time he said her name was like a military commander speaking to an unruly citizen. Like an adult to a naïve child.

"We _can!_ Haven't we been able to get through everything?"

That seemed to really set him off. "No, Kairi. You've been able to ignore everything. I am constantly amazed at how you can so completely deny that I have any problems at all. I can hide things from you and you'd never have realized. Look, I really need to go. I'm supposed to have finished packing already. Mom's going to need help moving some of the heavy stuff. Bye, Kairi." He walked off without giving her a proper goodbye, without kissing her or even squeezing her hand or holding her and whispering that he'd see her in the morning before he left and call her as soon as he was settled.

Was that it? Would he leave her with that, were those cold criticisms all she'd have when she never saw him again—her love, her only one? But no—he had paused midstride, stopped, was turning back, and saying:

"I e-mailed the boss my forwarding address, so you don't have to worry about my last paycheck."

That was it. No half-hearted apology. No small words of appreciation for the years she'd hoped, waited around, staying absolutely sure of him, of this love. But here he was, leaving her with a clipped jibe about their shared workplace.

_Work._ That was the last place Kairi was going to want to be in the morning. It'd be empty without him there, with no sunshine to light up that building where _damaged_ people went. That's how she had to think of her boss's patients—_damaged._ She had stopped allowing herself to label them as _crazy_ because of Sora's sensitivity to that term.

Kairi worked in a secretarial capacity at the psychiatric clinic where Sora held an apprenticeship for that summer. Sora never worked with patients with 'the heavy stuff,' just patients with stress, some strained parent-child relationships, and occasionally the mildest cases of bipolar disorder. He said that every one of them who came in to the clinic were really brave, because a lot of people were afraid or too ashamed to admit that there even is a problem, much less to seek professional help to get their lives back on track. Sora claimed that most of the patients he got to work with were really nice people, and as polite to him as he was to them on principle.

More polite than he was to her that day, to be sure. Kairi wondered bitterly if she'd qualify as requiring treatment after what had just happened. But could heartbreak even be treated? Walking slowly back home, Kairi honestly doubted it.

* * *

><p>The next day the doctor, Sora's former mentor and Kairi's boss, approached her. "Kairi, I need you to do me a quick favor. Since Sora's two-weeks' notice is up and judging from his e-mail yesterday, it seems like his position is empty. We've got an emergency appointment this morning that I really need some help with.<p>

"Sora told me you've taken a lot of psychology classes, and with good marks. How about lending me a hand just for this morning, and we'll see how it goes from there?"

Kairi's stomach twisted violently. She was already a mess from yesterday. Filling Sora's position even temporarily would be like permanently establishing his absence. _Not ready, not ready, not ready._ As an excuse, she glanced nervously at the telephone and computer sitting idly on the desk before her. "But, the incoming appointments—"

"Oh, it's fine. I'll have one of my applicants for the weekend shift take over for today as a little experiment to see how he works in this office," the doctor said dismissively. Kairi was about to decline when someone walked in and the doctor exclaimed, "Ah, there you are, Ventus."

That startling name made Kairi look up at the new arrival. An organized mess of yellow hair framed a tanning face and nervous blue eyes that seemed reluctant to trust. His ensemble consisted of the main neutral colors, lots of white and black, but seemed anything but neutral. It was exciting in a shock-factor kind of way, and he walked with an air of being surprised by each of his muscles' own movements. He saw Kairi and instantly straightened up, holding out his hand nervously.

"I-I'm V-Ventus," he stammered as she stood and politely took his hand, subconsciously noting that despite his nervousness, this boy who seemed a bit younger than her was cute in a Sora kind of way.

"Kairi," she said distractedly, giving him one last sweeping look before turning to look at the doctor. "I'd be happy to help," she told her, forcing a friendly smile.

Kairi and Ventus were then led along a hall and into a well-lit room, where they were both encouraged to sit down, facing each other across a low glass table. The doctor sat in a corner with a pen and clipboard, peered over the rim of her glasses, and said, "Talk."

Turning to look at the doctor, Kairi asked, "What?"

She shrugged. "Go ahead. Just talk. Don't mind me."

Nervously, Kairi turned to face Ventus again. "Uh, so…"

For a second Ventus glanced quickly from the doctor to Kairi and back again. Then, all of a sudden, he stood up, announcing, "I—I really don't feel comfortable…"

Both Kairi and the doctor looked at the blonde in surprise, but it was the doctor who spoke first: "I'm sorry, Ventus, I was under the impression that you were alright with our arrangement."

"I was," he stammered, "But now—I mean, I just don't think—maybe I—not with—" He seemed unable to form a comprehensible sentence, and he kept returning his gaze to Kairi, who was utterly confused by this development.

"Doctor, I think it's time I went back to my desk, anyway," she offered, and Ventus gave her a grateful look, to which the doctor sighed.

"Alright, then." She stood and opened the door. "Let me know if you want a more…private appointment some other time, Ventus."

The boy swallowed and nodded. "I will, doctor. Thank you." He waited as the doctor left, indicating for Kairi to go ahead of him. As she passed him, he seemed to make a split-second decision, and he reached out and grabbed her wrist, bringing her to a sudden halt. "Hey," he said quietly, making an effort to keep nerves out of his voice, "I really hope I didn't offend you with any of that. The truth is, I just…didn't want that doctor to hear what I want to say to you—what I think you might be able to help me with."

Helping another unappreciative boy was the last thing Kairi wanted to do. "Look, I—"

He shook his head at her. "You know what, why don't you meet me for coffee on Wednesday afternoon? We don't have to talk about that at all. I'd really like to just get to know you." With a smile, Ventus grabbed the pen the doctor had left and wrote his number on Kairi's hand, then released her wrist.

Kairi looked at the black numbers for a second before returning the blonde's smile. "Yeah. I'll see you Wednesday, Ventus."

If she was completely honest with herself, which she hadn't actively tried to do in a while, Kairi halfway regretted agreeing to meet with that strange boy, Ventus. But maybe it would be good for her to get her mind off of Sora—although it was just as likely that she could do as much harm as good so soon after his utter rejection of her love and commitment. But the black digits against her blanched skin seemed to hold a wink, some sort of hidden promise, and that was the kind of intrigue Kairi could never just ignore.

_Wednesday,_ she thought. _Two days from now. I wonder, Ventus, what were you planning to tell me?_

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><p><em>Thank you for reading.<br>-RSS_


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